“Feud” Season Two

The previously announced Bette & Joan season of the new FX show, Feud, begins on March 5, and people are already sending Ryan Murphy suggestions on which direction to go in for its second season.

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Fans have been begging him to have the show’s sophomore season focus on Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, but he has turned that idea down.  “I would never do another Hollywood woman-versus-woman story,” he said. “I think if we’re going to do feuds, we can’t just do Hollywood stories. I think we could do something from the 16th Century. I think the scope of the show can go back in time and history and it doesn’t have to be modern.”

I hear what you’re saying, Ryan, but I’m going to choose to ignore it. While I don’t think you should do Katy/Taylor, I don’t think you should shy away from Hollywood feuds. I figure that you’re not going to listen to me, so I’m going to throw some well thought out ideas your way.

NANCY KERRIGAN VS. TONYA HARDING

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I know, I know. They’re making a big screen movie with Margot Robbie. I know. But listen, I’ve waited 20+ years for more than that piss poor Lifetime movie, so I can get both at once. I mean, for fuck’s sake, how many Peter Pan movies come out at one time? Not only that, these women weren’t in the Hollywood world. Sure, they weren’t 1600’s, but unless you’re doing Hamilton, nobody wants to see that shit anyway.

SHANNEN DOHERTY VS. ALYSSA MILANO

It doesn’t have to be Alyssa Milano, Ryan. You could also do Shannen vs. Tori Spelling if you decide to go the Beverly Hills, 90210 route. I don’t care. I just need Shannen Doherty vs. SOMEONE, and I’d prefer if Shannen was played by Troian Bellisario. I know you said you weren’t going to do another Hollywood woman vs. woman season, but going back on your word is kind of your thing, so… make it happen.

EVERY MEMBER OF “DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES” VS. EACH OTHER

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Marc Cherry slapping Nicolette Sheridan. The Vanity Fair cover photoshoot drama. The gift given to the crew after the finale from everyone except Teri Hatcher? This is gold, Ryan. I’m literally handing you a box of gold. Please don’t discard it.

LIL’ KIM VS. NICKI MINAJ

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Television is getting more diverse, and I think Feud should be diverse, as well. You can cast Angela Bassett as Nicki Minaj (although I’d prefer Zendaya). I just need every minute of this celeb beef to play out on screen, and not just Watch What Happens Live interviews.

DONALD TRUMP VS. ROSIE O’DONNELL

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There are so many directions you could go if you choose to incorporate this man into your show. DT vs. Meryl, DT vs. the world, DT vs. SNL. So. Many. Options. However, I think you should go back to the OG DT feud, Rosie O’Donnell. And hey – you won’t need to spend any of the budget on advertising because once the first episode airs, the Donald will do it for you.

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